And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
