Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
