R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
