I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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