just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
