your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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