Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
