alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
