even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
third nipple confirmed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
