I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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