yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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