Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
