i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
