wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
