You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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