Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
