I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
