dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize