ya dads aren't the best wingmen
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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