are you so shy because you have an std?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
