I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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