Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
