So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
