She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize