i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
