goodnight i made you a song goodbye
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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