I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
