Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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