Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
