I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need a beard to bite.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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