my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
