So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
