dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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