im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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