plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
