On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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