you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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