i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
