Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
