Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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