I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
