What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize