I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ttyl tear gas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
