She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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