real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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