Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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