okay pat passed out under dana's car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
