just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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