Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
