we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
