I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
