I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
