I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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