I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
