I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
