I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
