I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
