Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she smelled like a LAN party
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
