dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
