I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
