We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have already put on my inside pants.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
