seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
