yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
