Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
