The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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