i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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