they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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