but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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