Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
