I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it glows. i had to have it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
