So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
