You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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