my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
