What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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